I have all the tools I need to be successful. If only my brain would comply.
This year I plan to write every single day. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece, but it must be content on a document. Adoption, motherhood, travel, or simply day-to-day life will be documented for my own peace of mind. Writing for others is important, and I feel that God has called me to do just that... but writing for myself is important, too.
My sister in law gave me a Christmas present that helps me put it into words better. "To write means more than putting words on a page; the act of writing is to share part of your soul with the world.” I think that sums it up better than I can. Every time I put these fingers to the keyboard, I unleash part of myself to the universe. It’s revealing, and I intimidate myself sometimes by the rawness of it all. My adoption story and all the other stories I have yet to tell come through clearest when I’m writing. The memories flood back to my mind as I funnel them through my fingertips. When I click “Publish” they are no longer mine. They belong to you, the reader.
Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to perfect each memory, each piece of myself before sharing it with the public. I’ve realized it’s unrealistic for me to expect perfection in each piece. My life isn’t perfect, my stories aren’t perfect… but they are mine. They are parts of me, blemished, growing and still being refined. To be true to myself, I need not fear the “Publish” button. The story is already published in history, the memory safely tucked into my heart. The true test will be if I can accept the words I use to craft my tale and trust my readers will benefit from them somehow. In essence… can I believe in myself a little bit more?
Gaps of time between my writing are evidence of insecurity. I want that to be different. I don’t want to be secluded, I want to be more transparent. Not every sentence I weave will be perfect, but it must be brave. This year, I will practice better transparency by putting words on a page every single day. I want to share chapters of my life more frequently, and document those treasures more diligently.
With that same goal in mind, taking a break from adoption content every now and then might be the nourishment my soul needs to produce more. Resting in a more lighthearted subject like a description of my son's giggle, telling you about how many times my dog ran into the screen door that day, or a fiction story about a dream I had may clear up space for me to dive deeper into the tough stuff. It's the tough stuff that can launch me into seclusion, but it's the tough stuff that sets me free, too.
So here's to a new year with the same goal of writing, but a whole new take on how to achieve it. I hope you, dear reader, continue to click through my mind on this blog and find joy, understanding, wonder and hope in the words I piece together.
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